The NFL (Taylor’s Version): Every NFL team as a Taylor Swift song

Welcome to the NFL (Taylor’s Version).

Taylor Swift has taken over the narrative direction of the entire league after news of her rumored romance with two-time Super Bowl champion tight end Travis Kelce spread like wildfire, blurring the lines between sports fandom and pop culture.

Swifties have taken a newfound interest in the NFL — sending ticket prices and jersey sales soaring — and that got us thinking about doing the same in reverse.

Without further ado, here’s every NFL franchise if it was a Taylor Swift song.

Arizona Cardinals: “I Forgot That You Existed”

“It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.”

We didn’t mean to start this list off by taking shots, but we had to keep it real. The lack of interest in Arizona is very much a thing this season with journeyman QB Josh Dobbs leading the charge in place of two-time Pro Bowler Kyler Murray, who hasn’t suited up since tearing his ACL late last season and whose recovery has been clouded by offseason drama.

Sitting at the bottom of the NFC West, the Cardinals haven’t posed much of a threat this season. Many football fans have forgotten about them altogether, but it appears the franchise has, too. Dobbs recently had trouble locating any replica jersey of his in the team’s store, even when using Arizona’s automated jersey selector. Guess they forgot, too.

Atlanta Falcons: “You’re Not Sorry (Taylor’s Version)”

“I was wasting hoping you would come around. I’ve been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.”

We’re talking to you, Desmond Ridder. The Falcons have scored only one touchdown in their past two games, and their continued offensive woes seem to be worsening as the season continues, even with stars like Kyle Pitts and Bijan Robinson.

Baltimore Ravens: “Cruel Summer”

On top of the persistent Lamar Jackson contract drama that consumed the organization and its fan base ahead of the 2023 season, the Ravens had a handful of key players go down before the last day of summer on Sept. 23, headlined by RB J.K. Dobbins (Achilles) and WR Odell Beckham Jr. (ankle).

Not to mention, Baltimore lost one of its top defensive players late in the summer when three-time Pro Bowl CB Marlon Humphrey, who has yet to return, underwent foot surgery.

Buffalo Bills: “Change (Taylor’s Version)”

“It’s a sad picture, the final blow hits you. Somebody else gets what you wanted again.”

The Bills get this close to making a Super Bowl run year after year — only to fall short despite having what is widely agreed to be one of the best teams in the league season after season.

Swift sings, “These things will change. Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down. It’s a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win.” That seems incredibly fitting for Josh Allen & Co., who have found a rhythm early this season.

Carolina Panthers: “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”

Carolina picked up star rookie QB Bryce Young with the No. 1 overall pick in this year’s draft, and he has already missed time due to injury.

The Panthers are one of just two teams left without a single win yet this season despite Young’s arrival.

Chicago Bears: “This Is Me Trying”

“I’ve been having a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting.”

Justin Fields has experienced his fair share of ups and downs during his short time in the NFL, regularly putting up video-game rushing numbers while the Bears continue to fall short.

Just this week, they blew a 21-point lead to collect their 14th straight loss and fall to 0-4 on the season despite Fields tallying his first career 300-yard passing performance and four-touchdown game.

Cincinnati Bengals: “The Story of Us (Taylor’s Version)”

“I don’t know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down, and the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.”

Joe Burrow‘s calf injury is at the root of much of what’s falling apart for the Bengals, but there’s so much more to it than that, as a new reality becomes clear for a team that appeared to be inching closer to a Super Bowl title.

The Bengals will need a serious turnaround before they can even start thinking about a playoff run this season.

Adam Amin and Mark Schlereth on what the Joe Burrow injury means for Bengals

Cleveland Browns: “Bad Blood”

“Now we got problems, and I don’t think we can solve ’em.”

Rookie QB Dorian Thompson-Robinson had an absolutely brutal NFL debut filling in for injured starter Deshaun Watson, who has failed to move the needle much for Cleveland thus far this season. Not to mention star RB Nick Chubb recently went down with a season-ending knee surgery after the Browns lost their starting right tackle Jack Conklin in Week 1.

Despite one of the league’s best defenses, Cleveland is mired at .500.

Dallas Cowboys: “New Romantics”

“Oh, ’cause baby, I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me.”

Dak Prescott and the Cowboys are the epitome of an ultimate love-hate relationship. Haters love to hate them, and Cowboys fans are die-hard. It seems everyone, even the biggest fans, always has something to say about Mike McCarthy & Co.

Denver Broncos: “Foolish One (Taylor’s Version)” (From The Vault)

“You give me just enough attention to keep my hopes too high. Wishful thoughts forget to mention when something’s really not right.”

Russell Wilson and the Broncos are sitting at the bottom of the AFC West. Adding insult to injury, Denver gave up an eye-popping 70 points in Week 3, and the rest of the season looks utterly dismal.

The Broncos hoped bringing in coach Sean Payton could quickly fix what ailed them, but their problems are much too vast, per FOX Sports’ Martin Rodgers.

Detroit Lions: “Wildest Dreams”

Jared Goff and the Lions are leading the NFC North, with both their offense and defense locked in early this season. FOX Sports’ Carmen Vitali said the Lions looked like everything they were hyped up to be in their emphatic Week 4 win, and I don’t think Detroit fans could’ve dreamed up a more inspiring start after years of continued disappointment.

Green Bay Packers: “Style”

“When we go crashing down, we come back every time ’cause we never go out of style.”

Many fans thought the Packers were down for the count heading into this season after Aaron Rodgers‘ controversial offseason exit, but QB Jordan Love recently earned his first home win at Lambeau as a starter and the arrow appears to be up for Green Bay, which is putting up a fight in the NFC North early this season.

Houston Texans: “Cowboy Like Me”

Swift sings, “I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve,” and it looks like the Texans do too after selecting C.J. Stroud with their second overall pick in this year’s draft as their new franchise QB. Since the start of the season, the 21-year-old posted the most passing yards ever of any QB in his first four career games (1,212) and just broke the league record for the most pass attempts without an interception (151) to start an NFL career.

Not to mention, the Texan’s wide receiver group, which was believed to be one of the team’s most glaring weaknesses entering 2023, has been one of Houston’s biggest strengths and one of the best units in the league, per FOX Sports’ Ben Arthur.

Indianapolis Colts: “Fearless (Taylor’s Version)”

The Colts’ confidence is “through the moon” with rookie QB and No. 4 overall pick Anthony Richardson at the helm and with star RB Jonathan Taylor reportedly eyeing a return to the field in Week 5.

Indianapolis is still a work in progress, but the Colts have the confidence needed to stay on the up and up. “I don’t think some of these guys understand how good we are,” linebacker Zaire Franklin recently said.

Jacksonville Jaguars: “Shake It Off”

Entering 2023 with big expectations, Jacksonville has been maddeningly inconsistent — “flashes of excellence and brilliance and then a setback,” as coach Doug Pederson put it.

Every time Trevor Lawrence takes one step forward, he seems to take a few steps back, and Pederson says it’s time to get back to basics and shake off the outside noise. Maybe their Week 4 win over Atlanta in London is a sign things are “gonna be alright.”

Kansas City Chiefs: “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)”

Since all of this has sprouted from Swift and Kelce’s rumored romance, this one is a no-brainer. Also, two Super Bowl wins in the past four years? Sounds like a football love story to us.

Las Vegas Raiders: “Castles Crumbling (Taylor’s Version)” (From The Vault)

“They used to cheer when they saw my face. Now, I fear I have fallen from grace.”

Jimmy Garoppolo and Davante Adams haven’t exactly been the saving grace the Raiders hoped for in what they hoped was a new era.

Los Angeles Chargers: “Electric Touch (Taylor’s Version)” (From The Vault)

“Got a feelin’ your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life.”

While L.A. certainly wouldn’t be considered a “ghost town” in any other context, it’s no surprise that it isn’t widely considered a quintessential football city compared to other huge markets around the country.

With the Rams winning Super Bowl LVI, and their NorCal neighbors the 49ers having won it five times before, the Bolts haven’t come close to this type of success, but a strong showing from them this season could spark a newfound interest.

Los Angeles Rams: “Bejeweled”

“Best believe I’m still bejeweled when I walk in the room, I can still make the whole place shimmer.”

Matthew Stafford showed everyone he’s still gritty enough to get the win, playing through a hip injury in Week 4 to avoid consecutive road losses and deliver a wild overtime to keep the Rams above .500 on the season.

Even without superstar wideout Cooper Kupp, the Rams can still dazzle at SoFi Stadium. We’re talking to you, Puka Nacua.

Miami Dolphins: “Blank Space”

“So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames. You can tell me when it’s over if the high was worth the pain.”

There’s a blank space waiting for the winner of Super Bowl LVIII, and the Miami had all the hype during their blazing 3-0 start that included a historic 70-20 win in Week 3.

But after a lopsided loss in Buffalo, it’s no secret the verdict is still out on Tua Tagovailoa‘s ability to lead them to the Promised Land.

Minnesota Vikings: “Lavender Haze”

The Vikings avoided an 0-4 start with a rally in Carolina, but Kirk Cousins, Justin Jefferson and Co. still need to emerge from their early-season fog.

New England Patriots: “The Last Great American Dynasty”

The Patriots’ dynasty days with Tom Brady might be in the rearview, but they’re undoubtedly still the most recent great dynasty in the NFL — love them or hate them — so they get the nod here.

New Orleans Saints: “Picture To Burn”

“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another picture to burn.”

The Saints are 2-2 headed into Week 5 after scoring four offensive touchdowns thus far on the season, the team’s lowest total through four games since 1975. What’s more, they’ve scored 21 points or fewer in 10 straight games. Ouch.

Derek Carr, who has been playing through a sprained AC joint in his throwing shoulder, hasn’t had an answer for New Orleans’ mounting offensive woes, and it’s no surprise Saints fans are losing faith and patience in this group.

New York Giants: “Anti-Hero”

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”

Sorry, Daniel Jones. This one’s pretty self-explanatory.

New York Jets: “You’re on Your Own, Kid”

“I didn’t choose this town. I dream of getting out. There’s just one who could make me stay.”

OK, so we don’t know for sure that Zach Wilson is sitting around dreaming about the day that he’s no longer a Jet, but it doesn’t seem that far off when the entire franchise and its fan base is seemingly ready to give him the boot. That could’ve been in the cards for Wilson had Rodgers not torn his Achilles tendon in the team’s season opener and thrust Wilson back into the spotlight after a tumultuous sophomore season.

Maybe Wilson’s performance Monday night indicates all is not lost yet.

Philadelphia Eagles: “Better Than Revenge (Taylor’s Version)”

After narrowly losing the Super Bowl earlier this year, the Eagles are one of just two undefeated teams left after Week 4 and aren’t showing any signs of slowing down.

What’s more, Jalen Hurts has largely silenced the critics who not long ago were questioning his ability to be the Eagles’ franchise starter.

Pittsburgh Steelers: “Long Story Short”

“I fell from the pedestal, right down the rabbit hole.”

The Steelers’ inability to score points has been a huge issue so far this season. If that wasn’t enough, QB Kenny Pickett sustained a knee injury that has Pittsburgh’s future hanging in the balance, and the hype surrounding RB Najee Harris has been mostly just that — hype.

San Francisco 49ers: “Mastermind”

“Just like clockwork, the dominoes cascaded in a line. What if I told you I’m a mastermind?”

There’s no denying Kyle Shanahan is a mastermind for what he has done with Brock Purdy since the former “Mr. Irrelevant” was catapulted into the spotlight late last season when Jimmy G went down with a foot injury.

Shanahan’s own players over the years have regularly used this term when referring to him and what he comes up with on offense.

Seattle Seahawks: “The 1”

“I hit the ground running each night. I hit the Sunday matinée. You know the greatest films of all time were never made.”

As Seahawks fans know all too well, Seattle wasn’t “running” at the end of Super Bowl XLIX, meaning the team’s dynasty story was never really made.

Still, the current team shows some shades of contending. The Seahawks offense has been sneaky good, and the return of star safety Jamal Adams could spark a defense that’s loaded with a mix of veterans and youngsters with superb playmaking skills, per FOX Sports’ Bucky Brooks.

Plus, rookie corner Devon Witherspoon announced his arrival with a stellar Monday night performance against the Giants.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: “Everything Has Changed (Taylor’s Version)”

The Baker Mayfield era in Tampa Bay is wildly different from the Brady era, no matter how you spin it.

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Tennessee Titans: “The Archer”

The Titans have finally started flashing their potential this season, but the offense will have to find consistency in order to keep up with the Joneses in an AFC South where every single team currently sits at 2-2.

Sometimes, Tennessee is the archer on the field, and other times it’s the prey, as Swift would say.

Washington Commanders: “Haunted (Taylor’s Version)”

Newly minted QB Sam Howell has quieted some of the criticism that he has been plagued with in recent weeks, but it’d be naive to say that the Commanders have it all figured out — and fair to say that the QB position has haunted Washington in the past (11 different starters in the five previous seasons).

We’ll have to wait and see how this one shakes out.